“My name is Ernesto Murillo, I was serving a 110  years to life sentence. My recovery started in 2015 in Soledad State Prison however it felt something missing. Like someone I can relate too. In 2016, I transferred to the California Institute for Men and met Jesse C. and Tod C. They invited me to a group called Friends in Recovery Standing Together (F.I.R.S.T), a 12 step group.

In 2017 , I joined the group F.IR.S.T. It was an amazing experience, with fellow incarcerated men that I could relate to and had similar childhood traumas. I was able to work the 12 steps. The most impactful module was writing a forgiveness letter to myself. I gained understanding of my destructive life and poor choices I had made in order to gain acceptance and validation.

After completing this group, these two men motivated me to be a facilitator so that FIRST could also help the Spanish speaking community. I’m grateful for this opportunity. I gained insight and was able to share my testimony. On November 23, 2024, I was released from prison, largely due to the work I did in FIRST.“

“F.I.R.S.T. is a peer-to-peer group founded by inmates on the yard who were actively involved in recovery and wanted to create a program that not only worked the 12 Steps, but also provided an environment where participants could grow close and be open and honest with one another.

It’s a 12-month program that is hard to explain because it covers so much—12 Steps, anger, shame and guilt, grief, domestic violence, effective communication, assertiveness, self-esteem, insight, forgiveness, public speaking, and more. We had open and raw discussions about our addictions and the behaviors that stemmed from them. We examined the cycles of trauma and victimology, discussed triggers, character defects, and contributing factors.

Accountability partners/sponsors and mandatory participation were key elements. Through this experience, I took away three major lessons:

Criminal Thinking

I had criminal reservations, believing that as long as I wasn’t engaging in major criminal activity, I was no longer a criminal. I was wrong, and I have a 115 to prove it. Before F.I.R.S.T., I didn’t even know what a reservation in my belief system was, let alone a criminal one. Working through the steps and modules, I realized I hadn’t fully resolved my old way of thinking. Depending on my feelings or circumstances, I was still willing to revert to old behaviors. That was a hard truth to face, but it helped me step out of denial and confront my reality. I thought I had gone off track, but I learned that I had never fully gotten on the right track in the first place.

Self-Esteem

For the longest time, I tied my self-worth and value to my talents rather than who I am in God’s eyes. I cared too much about what others thought, relying on external validation. That was unhealthy. Once I started to accept how God sees me, the shame no longer clouded my view. My self-worth is now anchored in my relationship with God—something stable and unchanging. God loves me for me just as I am.

These lessons, along with many others, dramatically changed my life. I started feeling better about myself, which led to hope and optimism for my future. My perspective became healthier, and I found myself smiling more, walking lighter, and worrying less about things beyond my control.”

“My name is Juan Morales, I was sentenced to 108 years to life. I have attended 12 groups for most of my incarceration. However, it wasn’t until 2016-2017 that I experienced a whole new meaning of what the 12 steps meant. I was invited to participate in a group called friends in recovery standing together (F.I.R.S.T).

Attending (F.I.R.S.T) was something that I will forever be grateful for. It taught me that there is much more information behind each step. Such as the spiritual principles and how we can implement each step into our own lives. I can proudly say that this was my first time working the 12 steps and I gained so much insight. Many would say that step 4 was the most difficult one, because of writing a list of the people we harm, and I can agree. However, for me, the most difficult step was step 5, because of admitting to myself, God and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. I was more than capable of admitting to myself and God, but another human being was very difficult. I remember hearing it from a facilitator, to only trust the process. I did, and that helped me to let go of a lot of shame. It changed my perspective in how I viewed life and others. I no longer had a desire to act out with old behaviors.

It started by me doing my best to apply the spiritual principles into my daily life. I truly felt that I was no longer doing my will, but my Higher Power’s will. Which brings me to mention, through (F.I.R.S.T), I built a stronger relationship with God. I began to experience what many others before me had experienced through working the 12 steps. As others witnessed my walk, they began to ask me for help. That is when I realized that I was not only helping them, but also helping myself in the process. That is why we say, we keep what we have by giving it away.

I would like to say that this is when I flipped the script to my lifestyle. I no longer chose to do illegal things to gain self-esteem. I gained my self-esteem through helping others. I thank (F.I.R.S.T) and all my friends in recovery standing together.“

“My name is James, I was a part of the first group of individuals to participate in F.I.R.S.T. (Friends In Recovery Standing Together). My experience in the group proved for me, to be life changing. Prior to FIRST I had no concept of OCP (Obsessive Compulsive Progression), character defects, shortcomings, or how to process my overall journey. By trusting the process of FIRST, and its many self-help components, I was released from a life sentence and have been home five years now. It is my belief that anyone in society could benefit from F.I.R.S.T”