“Friends In Recovery Standing Together. When I first came to this group, I was early in my recovery journey. I had always been a secretive person. I had constructed so many masks to fit the character I needed in whatever situation I found myself in. I thought for sure Prison was no place to start taking them off. Heck, some of those masks I came to believe were actually me. How was I going to recover when I needed honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness? How was I going to recover if I had to start peeling away masks? I was a broken and hurt child inside. If I had to start peeling away masks, everyone would see that. I could become a victim. I could become the center of everyone’s joke. Heck, I had an ego to protect. The same one that kept me sick all of those years.
When we started our first meeting it took a while for us all to build the trust with each other. We were told that group confidentiality was key, and that what was shared in group had to stay in group, for this thing to work. What I found, was that we all had masks. We all had stories, and we all deep down inside wanted something different. Through the different modules and homework, and through coming to the group and sharing it with my peers I started to build confidence. I learned to trust them more and more because they were sharing too. The longer we were in group sharing with each other, the more everyone built trust and confidence with each other. The sharing got deeper and deeper. The modules were set up in a perfect way. Some modules were very deep and personal and took a lot out of me emotionally. But then this would be followed by a speech or something that would lighten up all that was stirred up after riding that emotional rollercoaster. The trust and confidence in my peers grew more and more. Confidentiality was never broken in that group, and it allowed us all to get honest. I learned that if there was no honesty, there was no change. I saw that others understood that too. I learned that we need our peers to recover. I learned that I needed to let out my demons. I learned that I needed to do that with others to recover, to get feedback, and to understand that my story wasn’t unique. We all held each other up, and we all supported each other. I learned that recovery could not be done by myself. Heck, I’d been listening to my own advice for years to my own demise. In FIRST I learned how to trust someone, I learned that it’s okay to need help. I learned that it’s okay not to know the answer. I learned it was okay to be hurt and broken. But most importantly, I learned that it was okay to heal. I learned tools that helped build a better life. I learned how to practice principles like honesty, integrity, accountability and brotherly love. I was worth a better life than what I’d been giving myself, and I started getting it with the help of this group. I couldn’t have learned and accepted this without this thing called FIRST, Friends In Recovery Standing Together.”
