“F.I.R.S.T. is a peer-to-peer group founded by inmates on the yard who were actively involved in recovery and wanted to create a program that not only worked the 12 Steps, but also provided an environment where participants could grow close and be open and honest with one another.
It’s a 12-month program that is hard to explain because it covers so much—12 Steps, anger, shame and guilt, grief, domestic violence, effective communication, assertiveness, self-esteem, insight, forgiveness, public speaking, and more. We had open and raw discussions about our addictions and the behaviors that stemmed from them. We examined the cycles of trauma and victimology, discussed triggers, character defects, and contributing factors.
Accountability partners/sponsors and mandatory participation were key elements. Through this experience, I took away three major lessons:
Criminal Thinking
I had criminal reservations, believing that as long as I wasn’t engaging in major criminal activity, I was no longer a criminal. I was wrong, and I have a 115 to prove it. Before F.I.R.S.T., I didn’t even know what a reservation in my belief system was, let alone a criminal one. Working through the steps and modules, I realized I hadn’t fully resolved my old way of thinking. Depending on my feelings or circumstances, I was still willing to revert to old behaviors. That was a hard truth to face, but it helped me step out of denial and confront my reality. I thought I had gone off track, but I learned that I had never fully gotten on the right track in the first place.
Self-Esteem
For the longest time, I tied my self-worth and value to my talents rather than who I am in God’s eyes. I cared too much about what others thought, relying on external validation. That was unhealthy. Once I started to accept how God sees me, the shame no longer clouded my view. My self-worth is now anchored in my relationship with God—something stable and unchanging. God loves me for me just as I am.
These lessons, along with many others, dramatically changed my life. I started feeling better about myself, which led to hope and optimism for my future. My perspective became healthier, and I found myself smiling more, walking lighter, and worrying less about things beyond my control.”
