My name is Lee Cota. I have been incarcerated for 15 years, on a 21 years to life sentence. I have been a part of FIRST since 2017. I am currently co-facilitating my 6th cohort at CIM.

I had always thought of myself as unique when it came to my addiction. I thought no one understood me, or had been through what I had been through. I was trapped in a prison inside myself. I found out early, while in FIRST, that I was not unique at all. There are other like me, and that do understand.

I found a safe haven. A place I can take off the masks, take down the walls, and be myself. FIRST gave me the opportunity to explore my addictions in a healthy way: through working the 12 steps. FIRST has a unique approach to working the 12 steps in a group setting. We read, we discuss and do homework every week – that we all read to the group. Most importantly, we write a “Reflection” on the work we are doing on that step/module, and how we are implementing the step into our daily lives.

The wonderful thing about FIRST is that we also work on Anger Management, Domestic Violence, Grief and Loss, and Guilt and Shame, among other things. All areas I have struggled with in my past. We also write Amends Letters, Good-bye Letters, and Self-forgiveness Letters.

With all that being said, I have been able to address many of my childhood traumas, the negative belief system I once had, criminal thinking and character defects. I have found a supportive, caring, understanding, encouraging and loving community. The FIRST acronym means the world to me: “Friends In Recovery Standing Together.” I have found many real friends in this program, a brotherhood, if you will, that stand together with each other, through this journey in recovery.

My name is Bryan Vulgamore, and I am writing this letter on behalf of my shared experience in F.I.R.S.T. (Friends In Recovery Standing Together) while incarcerated. I had the privilege of participating in this program alongside many great and wonderful people, and I can personally attest to the profound impact it had on not just my life, but many others as well .

F.I.R.S.T. is rooted in the principles of the Twelve Steps, offering a structured path toward self-reflection, accountability, and healing. Throughout my time in the group, I witnessed many other men fully embrace these principles, demonstrating a deep commitment to personal growth and recovery. Their dedication to the process was inspiring—not only did they work through their own challenges, but they also supported others in their journey, creating a space of trust, healing, and transformation.

For my self , this group was more than just a program—it was a turning point. Through out my  experiences in F.I.R.S.T., I develop a strong sense of self-awareness, inner peace, and a true desire to make amends and move forward with purpose. The tools I gained in this group became the foundation for the work I now do in the community: helping others find the same hope and healing that I found.

Many of us arrived in that space feeling lost, broken, and hopeless, but through the Twelve Steps and the unwavering support of the group, we found the strength to change. I saw men who had once been trapped in cycles of addiction and self-destruction begin to take responsibility for their lives, build healthy relationships, and find a sense of purpose. F.I.R.S.T. is a beacon of light in an environment where hope is often scarce, and F.I.R.S.T plays a significant role in fostering that light.

My journey through F.I.R.S.T. is a testament to the power of recovery. My dedication to helping others continues to reflect the very principles of how F.I.R.S.T has helped me change my own life. I have no doubt that F.I.R.S.T will continue to impact lives and will only continue to grow, touching the lives of many who are searching for a path to healing.

My name is Alex, and I have been a part of FIRST since 2018. FIRST has been one of, if not thee most, important groups for me. It has been the perfect platform for me to find myself, and the perfect way for me to give back. I learned the importance of my 3 favorite steps- 1, 2, and 3. Because these 3 steps helped me to set a solid recovery foundation in my life, for the rest of the 12 steps, and for my journey in recovery. My mindset is now based from a beautiful Higher Power that I came to know in FIRST.

This group has become my home, my family, and my way of life. It is an honor and a privilege to be a facilitator in FIRST today. This is only possible because I got honest, transparent and vulnerable in FIRST – with those who paved the way before me, and all my fellow members in the group. I have learned so much in my journey with FIRST, but probably the most important thing I have learned, was to “trust the process.”

“My name is Ernesto Murillo, I was serving a 110  years to life sentence. My recovery started in 2015 in Soledad State Prison however it felt something missing. Like someone I can relate too. In 2016, I transferred to the California Institute for Men and met Jesse C. and Tod C. They invited me to a group called Friends in Recovery Standing Together (F.I.R.S.T), a 12 step group.

In 2017 , I joined the group F.IR.S.T. It was an amazing experience, with fellow incarcerated men that I could relate to and had similar childhood traumas. I was able to work the 12 steps. The most impactful module was writing a forgiveness letter to myself. I gained understanding of my destructive life and poor choices I had made in order to gain acceptance and validation.

After completing this group, these two men motivated me to be a facilitator so that FIRST could also help the Spanish speaking community. I’m grateful for this opportunity. I gained insight and was able to share my testimony. On November 23, 2024, I was released from prison, largely due to the work I did in FIRST.“

“F.I.R.S.T. is a peer-to-peer group founded by inmates on the yard who were actively involved in recovery and wanted to create a program that not only worked the 12 Steps, but also provided an environment where participants could grow close and be open and honest with one another.

It’s a 12-month program that is hard to explain because it covers so much—12 Steps, anger, shame and guilt, grief, domestic violence, effective communication, assertiveness, self-esteem, insight, forgiveness, public speaking, and more. We had open and raw discussions about our addictions and the behaviors that stemmed from them. We examined the cycles of trauma and victimology, discussed triggers, character defects, and contributing factors.

Accountability partners/sponsors and mandatory participation were key elements. Through this experience, I took away three major lessons:

Criminal Thinking

I had criminal reservations, believing that as long as I wasn’t engaging in major criminal activity, I was no longer a criminal. I was wrong, and I have a 115 to prove it. Before F.I.R.S.T., I didn’t even know what a reservation in my belief system was, let alone a criminal one. Working through the steps and modules, I realized I hadn’t fully resolved my old way of thinking. Depending on my feelings or circumstances, I was still willing to revert to old behaviors. That was a hard truth to face, but it helped me step out of denial and confront my reality. I thought I had gone off track, but I learned that I had never fully gotten on the right track in the first place.

Self-Esteem

For the longest time, I tied my self-worth and value to my talents rather than who I am in God’s eyes. I cared too much about what others thought, relying on external validation. That was unhealthy. Once I started to accept how God sees me, the shame no longer clouded my view. My self-worth is now anchored in my relationship with God—something stable and unchanging. God loves me for me just as I am.

These lessons, along with many others, dramatically changed my life. I started feeling better about myself, which led to hope and optimism for my future. My perspective became healthier, and I found myself smiling more, walking lighter, and worrying less about things beyond my control.”

“My name is Juan Morales, I was sentenced to 108 years to life. I have attended 12 groups for most of my incarceration. However, it wasn’t until 2016-2017 that I experienced a whole new meaning of what the 12 steps meant. I was invited to participate in a group called friends in recovery standing together (F.I.R.S.T).

Attending (F.I.R.S.T) was something that I will forever be grateful for. It taught me that there is much more information behind each step. Such as the spiritual principles and how we can implement each step into our own lives. I can proudly say that this was my first time working the 12 steps and I gained so much insight. Many would say that step 4 was the most difficult one, because of writing a list of the people we harm, and I can agree. However, for me, the most difficult step was step 5, because of admitting to myself, God and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. I was more than capable of admitting to myself and God, but another human being was very difficult. I remember hearing it from a facilitator, to only trust the process. I did, and that helped me to let go of a lot of shame. It changed my perspective in how I viewed life and others. I no longer had a desire to act out with old behaviors.

It started by me doing my best to apply the spiritual principles into my daily life. I truly felt that I was no longer doing my will, but my Higher Power’s will. Which brings me to mention, through (F.I.R.S.T), I built a stronger relationship with God. I began to experience what many others before me had experienced through working the 12 steps. As others witnessed my walk, they began to ask me for help. That is when I realized that I was not only helping them, but also helping myself in the process. That is why we say, we keep what we have by giving it away.

I would like to say that this is when I flipped the script to my lifestyle. I no longer chose to do illegal things to gain self-esteem. I gained my self-esteem through helping others. I thank (F.I.R.S.T) and all my friends in recovery standing together.“

“Friends In Recovery Standing Together. When I first came to this group, I was early in my recovery journey. I had always been a secretive person. I had constructed so many masks to fit the character I needed in whatever situation I found myself in. I thought for sure Prison was no place to start taking them off. Heck, some of those masks I came to believe were actually me. How was I going to recover when I needed honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness? How was I going to recover if I had to start peeling away masks?  I was a broken and hurt child inside. If I had to start peeling away masks, everyone would see that. I could become a victim. I could become the center of everyone’s joke. Heck, I had an ego to protect. The same one that kept me sick all of those years. 

When we started our first meeting it took a while for us all to build the trust with each other. We were told that group confidentiality was key, and that what was shared in group had to stay in group, for this thing to work. What I found, was that we all had masks. We all had stories, and we all deep down inside wanted something different. Through the different modules and homework, and through coming to the group and sharing it with my peers I started to build confidence. I learned to trust them more and more because they were sharing too. The longer we were in group sharing with each other, the more everyone built trust and confidence with each other. The sharing got deeper and deeper. The modules were set up in a perfect way. Some modules were very deep and personal and took a lot out of me emotionally. But then this would be followed by a speech or something that would lighten up all that was stirred up after riding that emotional rollercoaster. The trust and confidence in my peers grew more and more. Confidentiality was never broken in that group, and it allowed us all to get honest. I learned that if there was no honesty, there was no change. I saw that others understood that too. I learned that we need our peers to recover. I learned that I needed to let out my demons. I learned that I needed to do that with others to recover, to get feedback, and to understand that my story wasn’t unique. We all held each other up, and we all supported each other. I learned that recovery could not be done by myself. Heck, I’d been listening to my own advice for years to my own demise. In FIRST I learned how to trust someone, I learned that it’s okay to need help. I learned that it’s okay not to know the answer. I learned it was okay to be hurt and broken. But most importantly, I learned that it was okay to heal. I learned tools that helped build a better life. I learned how to practice principles like honesty, integrity, accountability and brotherly love. I was worth a better life than what I’d been giving myself, and I started getting it with the help of this group. I couldn’t have learned and accepted this without this thing called FIRST, Friends In Recovery Standing Together.”

“My name is James, I was a part of the first group of individuals to participate in F.I.R.S.T. (Friends In Recovery Standing Together). My experience in the group proved for me, to be life changing. Prior to FIRST I had no concept of OCP (Obsessive Compulsive Progression), character defects, shortcomings, or how to process my overall journey. By trusting the process of FIRST, and its many self-help components, I was released from a life sentence and have been home five years now. It is my belief that anyone in society could benefit from F.I.R.S.T”